30 Days of Truth-Day 12

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on

Hmmmmm...something I never get compliments on...let's see....I really can't think of anything right now other then my hair?  LOL!  I know, lame.  Really, though..I never get compliments on my hair!  Maybe it's because it's just perfectly straight, with no style!  That's right people..I do NOT style my hair at all.  I wash it, and let it air dry, I don't even brush it!  Now, that I just typed all that, that's probably the reason I NEVER get compliments on my hair.

You know there's this saying: 

"There's the woman that has perfect hair, make-up and is perfectly dressed, and then there is a woman with kids!"  I'm that woman with kids! ;) 

30 Days of Truth-Day 11

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

The one thing that people compliment me on the most are my big brown eyes and my smile.  It has not always been that way with my eyes.  My sister used to tease me about my big brown eyes by saying I had "cow eyes!"  Ugh, so hateful of my big beautiful eyes!! :)  Now, secretly she wishes she had my eyes instead of her tiny, greenish-hazel eyes!

People say I have a bright, big smile.  I get that from my Dad, cheery and friendly...easy to approach!

30 Days of Truth-Day 10

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

Jey told me today that I am an "adapter."  I didn't know exactly what he meant by that, so after his explanation, I realized that yes...I am an adapter.  He says that I adapt well to other people, even if they don't necessarily choose to adapt to my circumstances.  Needless to say, I am a push-over....I adapt extremely well in my friendships for fear that they could end if I didn't, but usually in the end I'm the one who has changed my plans and way of doing things to accommodate them. 

I need to let go of people that are not adapters in the relationships that I have and it's a constant one-way street.  I have realized that a true friendship and relationship takes two adapters, not just the one that constantly is giving to make the friendship work.  It's a give and give type of thing, right?!

30 Days of Truth-Day 9

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.


This one is going to be someone that I didn't want to let go, but just drifted and then we've re-drifted back to each other! :)

We met our freshman year in High School, I invited her to lunch with me and my friends and we immediately hit it off.  We had a strong friendship throughout High School and then I moved to Georgia and she moved to Kentucky.  We would randomly chat via email, and soon the emails began to become more and more scarce.  When we did talk, I realized that she wasn't the same person I used to know...the road and people she was befriending made me uneasy and her life was going in a different direction then the one I was headed in.  I began to pull back because I realized that I was moving away from the partying lifestyle, and our commonalities were no longer there.  So we drifted...and drifted...so far that we went months without talking.  It hurt to think that my once BFF was gone.

A few months back we started talking again, I'm happy to say that she has made big changes in the last year,  and I'm extremely proud of her accomplishments and the changes she has made to better her life. 

My BFF is back with her usual self and I'm so glad she's back in my life! I love you Tray!!

30 Days of Truth-Day 8

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell


Okay, so for the 4th time, I could say my EX from years ago...but I'm really sick of talking about him.  If I allow him to occupy my thoughts, then I allow him to win and have control still to this day over me. 

I do not remember anyone specifically who made my life hell on a continuous basis.  There have been many people I have come across in my life who have the ability of making my life hell, but graciously back down.  Reading these daily questions, it gets me thinking about if I have ever impacted someone elses life whether good or bad over the years.  I don't think we realize how much other people do affect us on a daily, weekly or yearly basis. 

Basically to close out this day, no one has yet to really make my life hell.  I hope that I am strong enough to not allow them to determine how my life will be!

30 Days of Truth-Day 7

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
There are obvious people who make my life worth living and that's Jackson and Julianna.  But what exactly led me up to this point in my life of being able to have those two precious babies is someone who truly made my life worth living.  That someone is Jey.

As I posted in Day 3, I was in an abusive relationship that had me questioning every aspect of my life.  When things finally ended, I was at a loss, confused and a completely different person.  I honestly wasn't sure where to go with my life, do I move back home to Virginia and leave everything I had worked so hard to accomplish here in Georgia behind?  I wanted a different life, the one I had created for me here in Georgia was not worth living.  I remember going home to visit my family and still was not 100% certain if I was going to move back home even when I left.  It still remains to be one of the lowest points of my life.

A few short weeks later I met Jey, and slowly but surely things finally started to fall into place.  Jey was a breath of fresh air, supportive of my situation(s) and loving.  The road that was taken along side of Jey has been and continues to be the best direction my life has gone.  I believe that people come into your life for a particular reason and there is one person that is meant to be your life long companion; I was lucky enough to have found him and he makes my life worth living each and every day!

30 Days of Truth-Day 6

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.


I hope that I never have to endure the loss of any one of my kids.  Just the part of typing this right now makes me sick.  I'm not sure what I would do with myself if something ever happened to them. 

I often hear on the news or different blogs about people going through the loss of a child.  Reading their stories makes my heart ache for them, I'm not sure how I would go on or if I ever could.  I have even told Jey before that the kids are NOT driving until they are 30!  So many teenagers lose their lives to driving and I think that I can protect them from that if they just don't drive.  I know it's unrealistic but, at least I can control that until their 18 and even then, I will make sure Jey has one of those cool little GPS gadgets on their cars that tells me everything including the speed they are driving.

Ugh, I seriously have to stop writing about this...I'm so anxious and just sick right now thinking about it.

30 Days of Truth-Day 5

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I could sit here and write everything that I hope to do in my life; bungie jump, go to Europe, have 4 kids, live into my 80's...there's a ton.  But I'm not going to simply list things that I know will eventually and hopefully get accomplished.

Something I really hope to accomplish in my life is to be a good mom.  I can strive for that each day with my kids, but it's not until my kids get older that I will realize if I really and truly am a "good mom."  I hope to be able to raise my son to be a strong, independent, loving and caring man like his father, a hard worker full of self motivation.  I hope I am able to raise my daughter to be loving, unselfish, confident and most importantly a strong woman able to succeed on her own without needing a man in her life. 

For now I will always question whether I am a "good mom."  All I can do is continue to do my best with loving, supporting and teaching them everything I know and hope that one day I will get the label from my kids as a "Good Mom!"

30 Days of Truth

I've had a few friends recently email me regarding the "30 Days of Truth" series that I've been blogging about.  I wanted to post the list in its entirety on here so you all could see exactly what will be written.  When I write about a specific topic, I am as brutally honest as I can be and it's all real and all me.

THE LIST:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

30 Days of Truth-Day 4

Day 4- What I have to forgive someone else for:

Honestly, I do not forgive easily.  I'm not sure that I ever have fully forgiven anyone and it's probably why I'm the anxious, and worried person I am today, because as stated in Day 1 of this series, I cannot let things go.  Naturally forgiving someone for me is going to be extremely difficult.  So what I'm going to do here is simply write about what I should forgive someone for. 

One of my biggest pet peeves about people is selfishness.  I was raised with a Mom who is never selfish, and always thinks about others before herself and I think that I have taken that with me throughout my adulthood.  It just seems to be rare to come across people that do things for others not looking for something in return.  I have had many friendships come and go throughout my 20's, and I generally was the one who pulled back because I saw a side of selfishness.  It's just one of those traits that I personally do not like and it can make or break a friendship for me. 

Looking back I wish that I maintained some of those friendships and was able to forgive them for being selfish.  I may have been able to have loyal and true friendships.  Maybe I was the one being selfish after all.

30 Days of Truth-Day 3

Day 3- What’s something you have to forgive yourself for?

When I think about what this question means to me, it's what had a big impact on my life that I must forgive myself for getting involved in.  The one event that I forgive myself for is getting involved in a past relationship many years ago that turned abusive and remained abusive up until the very end.  It changed a lot of things in my life and my present relationships with people.

For the 5 years that I was in that relationship, it changed who I was.  I let myself get caught up in the drama, allowing myself to stay in a situation that was not safe, emotionally healthy or supportive because I was weak.  I allowed someone else to tear me down and have control over who I was when I was with him.  I allowed him to isolate me from my family, friends and every place that was comforting to me.  I allowed him to change the fun, caring and loving person I am today.  Over those 5 years, I lost a sense of who I was and what I loved.  I began a cycle of highs and lows and fell into a deep depression, which now I know is the cycle of abuse. 

I still remember the day that I finally was DONE, it was June 14, 2003.  It took awhile to fully "recover" from all the emotional abuse, but meeting Jey in August of 2003 showed me what a real man, friend and supporter was.  It's safe to say that it didn't take long for me to realize that Jey was perfect in every way.  I went from one extreme to the next, having been with someone so abusive to someone that would never say anything hurtful to me was such a nice change.  I have to be honest and say that it took me awhile to fully trust that Jey wasn't going to hurt me, but when I started to realize that he was there for me 100% it all fell into place.

So in conclusion, I forgive myself for staying in such an abusive relationship and allowing "HIM" to take me away from my family and change who I was many years ago.  I often think about if I didn't stay within that relationship where would I be today?  I definitely wouldn't be where I am, and that's with an amazing husband and two amazing kids...so I believe going through that and staying for so long was destiny and I'm right where I'm supposed to be; happy, safe and in love with my family!

30 Days of Truth - Day 2

Day 2- Something you love about yourself

I honestly am having a difficult time with this one.  I have even been stressing about this post since yesterday when I read my topic for today.  It seems to be easier for me to write about all the things I hate about myself rather than pick something I love about myself.  So, in my trying times I turned to Jey.  I asked him to be completely honest and tell me the main thing he loved about me hoping it would trigger something I loved about myself, and of course it did.  He said he loved that I was fun, energetic and a good mom.  I questioned him on the whole "good mom" thing because many times, I question whether I am really a "good mom."  That topic was definitely not something I could honestly write in this topic of "something I love about myself." 

Then I began to think of the other two things he mentioned about me, and I felt like there was something great about myself that I did love, and it too was that I am fun!!  I love dancing, singing, and just being plain crazy at times.  I'm loud, and even at times funny. ;)  I will try anything at least once and I tend to believe I get this free spirited attitude from my father, who is extremely witty and the life of the party. 

Growing up, my parents always took us places that were "fun;" what I mean by that is we would go do active things, Disney World, Busch Gardens, water parks, just things that as a kid you would think would be good ol' family FUN!  I hope that as my kids get older they realize how super cool and fun their mom is :), even if I'm not the "best mom" at times. 

Wow, I'm glad I wrote that.  It made me feel really good, and I realized that I do love something about myself!  I'M FUN!!

30 Days of Truth-Day One

Let's be honest here, shall we?  I'm a new blogger and it's extremely hard to get my blog out there to the internet world for just the lack of "blog marketing knowledge!"  So, I'm starting this 30 days of truth thingy, that seems to be going around this blogging world.  Likely, I won't be doing it 30 days in a row, but I will do 30 days of truth!  So here we go....

Day 1-Something you hate about yourself

I have a hard time letting things go.  I am a good friend and loyal to a fault, you can screw me over a lot but once I reach a point, there is no coming back.

In some ways it's good because of the whole "fool me once" thinking.  But in other ways it's not so good.  I'm mad about stuff that happened 5 years ago with people that I still have to have a relationship with for whatever reason...I just can't let it go!!

Another issue is fully accepting the words "I'm sorry."  I feel like I can say "I'm Sorry" and truly mean it when I hurt someone I love, but hearing those words directed at me and fully accepting the apology is virtually impossible.  Like it would kill me to just let it go and start over....hmmmm, as you see this is definitely something I'd like to change about myself, holding onto grudges is just not healthy.