Thursday, October 21, 2010

30 Days of Truth-Day 3

Day 3- What’s something you have to forgive yourself for?

When I think about what this question means to me, it's what had a big impact on my life that I must forgive myself for getting involved in.  The one event that I forgive myself for is getting involved in a past relationship many years ago that turned abusive and remained abusive up until the very end.  It changed a lot of things in my life and my present relationships with people.

For the 5 years that I was in that relationship, it changed who I was.  I let myself get caught up in the drama, allowing myself to stay in a situation that was not safe, emotionally healthy or supportive because I was weak.  I allowed someone else to tear me down and have control over who I was when I was with him.  I allowed him to isolate me from my family, friends and every place that was comforting to me.  I allowed him to change the fun, caring and loving person I am today.  Over those 5 years, I lost a sense of who I was and what I loved.  I began a cycle of highs and lows and fell into a deep depression, which now I know is the cycle of abuse. 

I still remember the day that I finally was DONE, it was June 14, 2003.  It took awhile to fully "recover" from all the emotional abuse, but meeting Jey in August of 2003 showed me what a real man, friend and supporter was.  It's safe to say that it didn't take long for me to realize that Jey was perfect in every way.  I went from one extreme to the next, having been with someone so abusive to someone that would never say anything hurtful to me was such a nice change.  I have to be honest and say that it took me awhile to fully trust that Jey wasn't going to hurt me, but when I started to realize that he was there for me 100% it all fell into place.

So in conclusion, I forgive myself for staying in such an abusive relationship and allowing "HIM" to take me away from my family and change who I was many years ago.  I often think about if I didn't stay within that relationship where would I be today?  I definitely wouldn't be where I am, and that's with an amazing husband and two amazing kids...so I believe going through that and staying for so long was destiny and I'm right where I'm supposed to be; happy, safe and in love with my family!

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